My girl is sick.

When I came home from work last Tuesday, she seemed out of sorts and lethargic. She wasn’t interested in food, and she hid out in the closet for part of the night. I was really concerned, but hoped that whatever it was would soon pass. But on Wednesday, there was no improvement. She wasn’t moving around, and her breathing appeared shallow and rapid.

I took her to the emergency hospital, and they immediately started doing a battery of tests on her. She was poked and prodded repeatedly, but she was a cool customer the whole time, even giving the doctors some affection.

The first test results came back, and told us that one of Callie’s kidneys is smaller than the other, and is not functioning properly. As a result, she has developed a kidney infection – but this can be treated with antibiotics. I was so relieved that this was manageable with medication – my panic eased a bit, and I began to calm down.

But then her radiographs came back.

Callie has a mass on her lungs. There is a slim chance that this is inflammation, or part of the infection…but the doctors tell me that this is most likely cancer. Normally, the next step would be to aspirate the mass and analyze the cells, but the location of the mass makes this a nonviable option.

Instead, the doctors suggest that Callie get a CT Scan to determine if masses are present elsewhere in her body.  Apparently, feline lung cancer rarely occurs on its own – it is usually a sign that cancer has spread from another part of the body. But if indeed she only has the mass on her lungs, they want to operate and remove it, then biopsy it.  If it is cancer, she will most likely need chemotherapy or radiation.

Callie needs to finish her antibiotics for the kidney infection before anything can proceed. I’ve asked the doctors to first try medication to see if the mass will shrink, and they have agreed. The idea of putting my nearly 15 year old cat through a rough, invasive surgery terrifies me. I don’t yet know if that would do anything to prolong and enhance the quality of her life.  My greatest fear is that I would put her through all of it, and she would spend the last part of her life in pain. But I would also do anything to help her – I love her with all of my heart and can’t bear the thought of life without her.

Callie has an appointment with the internist next week. In the meantime, I am trying to learn everything I can about feline cancer. I have talked to her regular vet, requested another opinion, and joined a Yahoo group for people in similar situations. I am supplementing her diet. And I am still hopeful.

 She seems to be comfortable right now. Her breathing is still too rapid, but I’ve been told by the doctors that she is not in pain. And she’s taking her meds like a trooper. For the most part, she is eating, and she’s able to sleep without difficulty. And she’s still my sweet, sweet girl. She may be sick, but it hasn’t stopped her from doling out the love and affection. Oh, and she still finds the time to brawl every now and then with her sister, Selina.

I haven’t yet had the chance to tell all of you that love her about the situation, but those who do know – like Aunties Lila and Erin, and Amazing Boyfriend – have been a great help to Callie, and a huge comfort to me. I’m a wreck, so they’ve been holding me together. Thank you.

Please think good, positive thoughts for Callie. And maybe say a prayer or two, if you are so inclined. She’s a diva and a spitfire, so I have to believe that she can get through this. Honestly, I am surprised that any illness has the audacity to mess with her. Big mistake, lung mass.

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